When I am experiencing severe anxiety and panic, I focus solely on the negative feelings I am physically experiencing: any momentary feeling of pain, any strange sensation, any shortness of breath, any irregular or fast heart beats, any thoughts of possible illness or disease or future medical emergency. All of these things are at the forefront of my thoughts and relentlessly feed the cycle of panic and obsessive observance of my physical body and its internal workings. Through meditation, I also turn physically inwards, but as an observer without judgment, only noticing the natural rhythm of my body: the movement of breath in and out of the body, the tension and relaxation of muscles, vibrations and sensations of warmth and coolness on the skin. Meditation allows me, as an unbiased observer of the physical processes of my body, to mediate those bodily feelings that would normally trigger panic and anxiety into recognition of my natural internal rhythm.
By creating this cellular installation for meditation, I am attempting to bring the viewer into an internal, cellular space that will allow for reflection on the rhythmic, internal bodily processes that are automatic and essential to life, but are processes that we only think of momentarily, if at all. I want the agglomerated cell structure to visually take the viewer to the cellular level. The playful colours and materiality of the vinyl and rhinestones create three dimensional drawings with light projected onto the viewers and the space. The natural light fluctuations that occur during the course of the day will create subtle movement of the cellular drawings in the space and on the viewers, evoking the idea of the subtle internal movements of the body. Physically there are so many layers of complexity (and cells!) in living tissue and the body. I want to emphasize the layering of cell bodies, as well as the accumulation of repetitive shapes, to create a whole tissue-like structure representative of this internal environment.
Photos by Ashley Gallerani Photography